4/28/2022
2:07PM
On 4/17/22, Sunday morning, Shun Kong Chee passed away peacefully in his sleep. It was Easter Sunday, which was a beautiful day to return to his Lord and Savior. He lived on this Earth for 95 years.
Shun Kong Chee was my grandfather, but he was much more than that. He was a father, husband, brother, son, friend, and the list goes on. I realized this when attending his funeral last week, 4/24. The room was surrounded with beautiful flowers from so many individuals who knew him and offered their condolences. There were many who came to pay their respects in person as well. We’re thankful for everybody who came to say their last farewells.
I was overjoyed to see many of my relatives who I haven’t seen since before the pandemic happened. My immediate family, grandparents, and father’s side of the family met every week in Chinatown to celebrate what it meant to be a family over dinner. Because of the pandemic, each family would visit my grandparents separately throughout the week tending to their needs and keeping them company.
It all started one evening in January, my grandfather fell, had a heart attack and had to be emitted to the hospital. From there, he went to a rehab center/nursing home and remained till his passing. The heart attack was sudden, and the only other thing that hindered him at this age was his difficulty to walk. Our families would continue to take care and tend to him. My father especially, the eldest in the set of 4 brothers, would be there almost every evening to feed him. Whenever I found time, I made sure to go and be by his side as well. The last interaction I had with him, I kissed him on the forehead goodbye. Strangely enough, I found myself growing closer to my family in this time of uncertainty. I wanted to be there as a son and a grandson.
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This was my first funeral from a family member and it’s something that’s hitting me a lot more than I expected. I attended one of my friend’s funeral back when I was in college, and that wasn’t easy either of course. May he Rest in Peace. However partaking in the Chinese cultural traditions, it was a different experience.
My father coordinated just about all the funeral preparations and at least from our spendings, we paid for the casket, burial vault (what surrounds the casket to prevent erosion/decay), our flowers, transportation to the burial site, and their services. There were other things to consider too such as drinks and food that we purchased from a local Chinese bakery. In total, it was a lot a lot of money - easily a couple thousand dollars.
Here are some things that I’ve taken away from my experience:
Please note that my grandfather is Christian, so not all things may apply to other funeral services.
My grandfather’s children and their immediate family all had to wear a black ribbon on our left sleeve to indicate that we’re in a period of mourning.
At the wake, white envelopes filled with money are given from the guests to the family of the deceased. The money inside has to an amount of an odd number. An even number represents a cycle, and given that an individual has just passed, we wouldn’t want that to happen again anytime soon. For example: $101 $501 $1,501.
Chinese burial money served as a cosmic map for the deceased to ascent to the heavens. We would all put a couple of quarters in my grandfather’s pocket when wishing him farewell. My father even brought a casino chip because my grandfather frequented the casino.
When paying our respects, we would bow 3 times. This means that we pay a great deal of respect to the one we bow to.
Right before the casket is closed, my grandmother, dad, mom uncles, and aunts all laid a burial blanket over my grandfather. Then my cousins and I laid a second one over him.
A pallbearer are those responsible for carrying the casket. I believe anybody can be one, but those who worked in the funeral home did this. However they did require 6 individuals, my cousins and I, to wear white gloves and stand outside the funeral home by the casket (never in front), as it was delivered into the hearse. Not sure what the term is here. We were given these white gloves, along with a white envelope that contained a red envelope. We kept the red envelope for good luck and the gloves had to be placed in the white envelope and throw into the burial alongside the casket.
My grandfather and everybody who was in the funeral transportation were driven around Chinatown and then to his home as a final farewell and remembrance before we drove off to the burial site.
As the casket is lowered to the ground, we all had to turn around as a form of respect.
At the burial, my grandmother, grandfather’s children, and spouses were in the front line. My cousins and I were in the second line. And everybody else in the back. We took our pinned black ribbons and put in on a rose to throw into the burial ground.
Upon leaving, a candy and coin wrapped in white paper were given to each of us. The candy is some sweetness to help with the bitter day and the coin is meant to be spent immediately to pass on good luck and fortune to others.
A dinner/meal was held on both days on the wake and burial to celebrate the life of my grandfather! This is open to anybody who would like to attend.
The eldest son, my dad, must take the photo of my grandfather and hang it in a high place of the house. This means that he’s overseeing everything there.
I learned a lot during this event and hopefully I can share some knowledge with everybody too.
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I miss you 爺爺 (yeye). You were always so gentle and kind, and I believe these traits were passed on to me. We had a minor language barrier, but we somehow always chatted about the simple things. We conversed in Cantonese asking if we were full yet, how we were doing that day, how school/work has been, etc. From my knowledge, I’ve never heard you raise your voice. When I told you about my work, and passion for photography, you’ve always been supportive - as long as I was happy. Even my hair length! Grandma complained about it, but you were always okay with it as long as I was. Thank you so much for raising your children to how they are today, and ultimately me. We’re all grieving, but we’re happy that you lived your life to the fullest and fought for a long life to the very end.
Dad told me that during your last couple days with us, you would constantly say you wanted to go home. You had such an urge that you somehow even had the strength to lift yourself to be upright on the bed. For the whole last couple months, you were never able to do this. And then when you took your final drive past your apartment in Chinatown, I broke down. I had no idea we were going to do this. It made me so happy that you were able to go back for one last time because that was your final wish.
Rest in Peace, yeye. We miss and love you so much. Till we see each other down the line.
